The Death of Mrs. Bigglesworth

I knew something was different when I saw Zoe and Lucy wedged under the thorn bushes. The three hens always stick together… and not under thorn bushes. Right before dusk they always find their way back to the coop and snuggle quietly in the hay, hiding from the cold wind. I went back to close things up at night fall… still no Mrs. Bigglesworth.

Mrs. Bigglesworth is Chase’s hen. She is named after the Austin Power’s cat. (Side note- If I were ever to have a theme song, one where all my entrances in life were followed with song, it would be the Austin Powers theme song.) Chase and Dylan were expected to arrive shortly. I didn’t know if I should tell Chase about his hen now, or wait until I had more information in the morning.

I decided to tell him. I told him I didn’t know for sure what had happened and we would all go out first thing in the morning to look for her. Chase cried and immediately felt doubtful that she would be found or found whole. I told him to think positive since we didn’t have any information yet.

The next morning we went out first thing, hoping she would be waiting outside the coop. We opened the coop and found only 2 hens… but also found our first EGGS! They had turned egg laying age a few weeks ago but the cold weather has stalled them in this process.

We starting looking around the brush and I stopped in my tracks. “Oh my god”. I saw Bigglesworth as a pile of feathers under a fallen tree with a hawk staring back at me. Chase and Dylan ran over and gasped. The three of us stood there in silence and in shock. The hawk stared back, not moving from her body. The hawk looked down and I said, “don’t look don’t look, Chase don’t look” but we all kept looking. The hawk took a bit and started ripping meat from her body. Chase moaned and ran off crying. There was part of me that wanted to stay and watch but I needed to go in after Chase. Dylan, not sure what to do, followed.

Chase was on the couch, blanket over his body, crying. He said he wanted to kill the hawk. I started to try to make him feel better, but then told him not to try to hold back from crying. If I have learned anything in the last year, it is in order to heal you need to feel. If he didn’t let himself feel it and talk about it, it would end up getting stuck somewhere in his mind and body. It’s sooo important to feel it. Dylan and I sat with him while he cried and we let him say whatever came to mind without trying to fix it or change it.

We talked about nature and the cycle of life. Chase said he would feel better if he killed the hawk. He was angry that he chose “his” hen. It’s strange to think we hold the idea of possessing other beings. The only thing that makes Bigglesworth different from a wild bird caught by the hawk is that we have deemed it ours. We have a purpose for it and we have claimed it. Does our emotional tie to this being stem from our possessing it or from our frequent contact with it?

Chase mentioned that he did not like the idea of “thinking positive”. He thinks it is easier to think of the worst case. This way if the worst case scenario is true, you are ready for it, and if the best case scenario is true, you will be really happy. I said next time we can try just stating all the possibilities and try not to hold too much emotional attachment to any of them until we get all the facts.

Death is a strange fact to navigate with kids. The human notion of attachment is what makes death sad. My kids have witnessed things die, things be killed, they have even been the ones doing the killing. It is when you feel slighted, like something was taken from you, or when you feel an emptiness caused by death. That is when it becomes personal. We, Chase and Dylan included, understand the cycle of life… which is why we left the chicken out there for the hawk to finish. But this time the hawk’s meal is attached to human sorrow.

The eggs we found are still in the refrigerator. Chase isn’t ready to eat anything chicken related yet……