February Feeds Famine

A Cherokee elder was teaching his grandchildren about life. He said to them, “A fight is going on inside me… it is a terrible fight between two wolves. One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, hatefulness, and lies. The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, humbleness, kindness, friendship, generosity, faith, and truth. This same fight is going on inside of you, and inside every other person, too.” The children thought about it for a minute. Then one child asked his grandfather, “Which wolf will win?” The Cherokee elder replied… “The one you feed.”

February and March are my dark wolf. I made it through the short days, through many cold days, a lot of rainy days…. and now I’m ready for sun and warmth… but I still have February and March. February and March. These are the months where the fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, hatefulness, and lies become alpha. I worked really hard to feed, nurture, connect with, and play with the white wolf. The radiance and energy the positivity held starts to lose its strength in these cold, dark days. The white wolf finds warmth in isolation and retreat, while the dark wolf forages and shows its’ fangs.

The dark wolf barks at everything at the window. This way, it can’t be wrong.

My theme song from Austin Powers, Soul Bossa Nova, is replaced by Febrauary’s “Leave Me Alone”… but it speaks to Life, not a romance.

PAUSE

I need to PAUSE.

I need to remember that this is a state of mind and not my fixed identity. I have control of my state of mind (for the most part). Deepen presence. Get out of my head, get out of the February neurotransmitter pathways. **PAUSE** Take 100% responsibility for my experience.

Each day is seeded in recognition. Days occur in moments, one coming to life, then replaced by the next. PAUSE. Attend the place inside instead of fixating outward. What needs are not being met? What do I need?

I need vitamin D. I tried sitting under my plant’s grow light with them to get the much needed sunlight. I then read that plants need wavelengths between 450-650nm for photosynthesis to occur. The skin needs wavelength 280-320nm to make vitamin D. I guess I’ll leave the plants to grow without me.

It helps to not judge these February feelings. I can recognize them, PAUSE, and call for the white wolf. Find joy in small moments, stop living in the past or present, exercise, meditate, and accept that I struggle with these months.

Speak truths. Speak truths to myself. Break down my isolation by deepening the truths I can share with others. Many times I try to deny or ignore these February feelings. This does not make them disappear or provide relief. I need to look the wolf in the eye, and choose to feed the other.